The Twelve Princes
by Iceflight398
Summary: Based off the Grimm Brothers fairy tale "The Twelve Brothers." Mei is the princess of China. When she discovers that she has 12 brothers who had to flee because their dad was a serious psycho, she embarks on a journey to find them. In the end, she finds way more than she bargained for. (Contains: a bunch of Asians, a crack ship, and some chapters that are really crack-y).
1. Chapter 1: We have some exposition

**Before we start, I just want to make sure you know who everyone is (about 17 characters in this story! More than the number of friends I have...)**

 **Mei- Taiwan**

 **Yao- China**

 **Batbayer- Mongolia**

 **Kiku- Japan**

 **Choden- Tibet**

 **Yong Soo- S. Korea**

 **Hyung Soo- North Korea**

 **Ngai- Nyo!Viet**

 **Guiying- Manchuria**

 **Aroon- Thailand**

 **Jiaming- Singapore**

 **Cheng- Macau**

 **Li Xiang- Hong Kong**

 **Nü Wa- The mom. Her name has a special meaning which you will learn later!**

 **Matthew- Canada**

 **Alfred- America**

* * *

Nü Wa, Queen of China, loved her twelve sons. They were all, in her opinion, the finest children one could ask for. Of course, they all had their quirks.

Yao, the eldest, was an excellent fighter. He could manage money well, adhered to traditions, and was an excellent cook. Sure, he did look so feminine that he usually got mistaken for a girl, and he was rather patronizing, but those were minor things.

Next was Batbayer. He was a fierce warrior and quite excellent on horseback. Unfortunately, he seemed to have become a bit obsessed with marrying Yao and taking over the world. But surely every family had that one psychotic kid?

Kiku, the third eldest, was quite talented with his katana. He had beautiful calligraphy and artwork, and was very obedient. Though he did take after his brother Yao in looking rather feminine, and he liked to secretly read and draw, ahem, _adult_ things, but those were just tiny quirks.

Choden was the fourth, and he was kind and gentle. He believed in independence, which would serve him well should their kingdom ever be invaded. Of course, he liked to take walks in extremely high mountains. The guards that went with him for his safety would always return short-breathed. But exercise was good! It wasn't like it was dangerous or anything...

Hyung Soo and Yong Soo, the lovely Korean twins, were excellent musicians. They were tall, muscular, and strong. Like Batbayer, they had an obsession with Yao, though not to the point of marriage. Also, the two would die for kimchi.

Ngai was the seventh eldest. He was steady, stern, and good with his hands. He might carry that paddle around everywhere, and never smile, but he was still wonderful.

Guiying was the eighth eldest. He was tough and smart, and always gave great advice. Sure, he could be cold at times, but surely all children had those moments?

Aroon, the ninth eldest, was cheerful and always wore a smile. Of course, he did have that weird obsession with elephants, but everyone had their obsessions!

Jiaming, the tenth, was good at trade and spoke many languages. He was weirdly strict, and tried to get people thrown in prison for breathing the wrong way, but it wasn't that bad! (Actually, it was.)

Cheng, the eleventh oldest, was reassuring and calm. He loved tea, and while he could gamble at times, it wasn't like he'd accidently lost an eighth of the kingdom's treasury! (Yeah, no).

Li Xiang was the youngest. He made beautiful fireworks, and was hardworking. He was also great at trade. Sure, he was possibly the most disobedient child, and not in a good way like Choden. But deep inside he was considerate and loved his family deeply.

Yes, indeed, Nü Wa did have the best children in the all the world. And she was overjoyed when she found that she was to have a thirteenth child!

Sadly, the king was a psycho.

One day, while feeling her stomach, the king said, "My dear, if this child should be a girl, I shall have all of our twelve sons killed!"

Nü Wa blanched. "Say what now?"

The king grinned creepily. "I've already had twelve coffins made for them! And all the coffins have fine-quality wood shavings in them, coming from the Brutish East Shaving Company itself!"

"There's a company for wood shavings?"

"Of course there is! And because I love our sons so much, I had a super special tomb made for them! It was 120 terracotta soldiers in it! I'm also thinking about burying some scholars in with them."

"Seriously?" The queen shrieked, "Who does that?"

Obviously, Nü Wa did not think much of his plan. She fled from the room, weeping. After weeping for quite awhile, Li Xiang randomly appeared and poked her shoulder.

"Mama?" He asked, sounding worried. "What is wrong?"

"Your old man wants to kill you twelve if my baby turns out to be a girl!"

"Yeesh. He really should have taken that weird medicine Yao gave him."

Nü Wa glared at him. "Are you serious? Why aren't you scared?"

Li Xiang shrugged. "You've had boys up until now. What are the odds of it being a girl?"

Nü Wa sighed. "Just take your brothers out to that bamboo forest next to our kingdom for now. If the baby's a boy, I'll raise a red flag, 'cause red is lucky, and you can all come home. Then we can sign your dad up for therapy sessions. If it's a girl, I'll raise a hot pink flag, and you must all run away, run away and never return."

"Hey," Li Xiang said, "That last part sounded like something from the Lion King."

" _Aiya_! This is the ancient times! The Lion King doesn't exist yet!"

"Oops."

So Li Xiang and Nü Wa rounded up all twelve brothers, and they all fled, with Yao in the lead, to the bamboo forest. Needless to say, Yao began telling stories.

"And this is where I found Kiku!" Yao proclaimed, pointing to a random bamboo grove. "He was such a sweet and adorable little boy! Always so obedient... _aiya,_ some of you should really learn from him. And now he's all grown up and sometimes I feel like not a thing has changed! Still so sweet and adorable…"

Batbayer narrowed his eyes. He had always been jealous of Kiku, since everyone pretty much thought he was Yao's favorite.

" _Tom akh..._ " He hissed, grabbing Yao into a tight hug/choke-hold. "Am I sweet and adorable too?"

There was a moment of silence. Batbayer didn't really fall into the "sweet and adorable" category.

"Y-you are very strong and brave," Kiku volunteered.

Batbayer glared at him.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," He hissed, "I shall marry _tom akh_! I am sweet and adorable, right?"

"No," Yao said flatly, "You should stop obsessing over marrying me and taking over the world."

Batbayer looked even angrier.

"But Kiku always plays with his swords and reads adult stuff! I am more adorable than him, _tom akh_! Marry me, marry me, marry me! And we shall rule the world together! Kiku is stupid. All he talks about is taking over Asia and his swords. You are blinded by the memory of his innocent, young self. But I shall rip that illusion apart! I shall rip _Kiku_ apart!"

"You do realize that it's no surprise that Yao thinks Kiku is cuter than you," Guiying muttered, "You two may be both psychopaths inside, but Kiku doesn't show it. Kiku puts on a sweet, kind face. You put on the face of a psycho. Have you ever heard of 'fake it till you make it-'"

"Shut up!" Batbayer snarled, "And that phrase hasn't even appeared yet! It's the ancient times, you fool!"

"Call me fool again and I'll-"

" _Aniki_! I love you!"

"Yao-hyung! I love you more!"

"Marry me! Marry me!"

" _Aiya!_ "

"P-please-"

"Hey, let's admire elephants together instead-"

"How about some tea?"

"Everyone be quiet or I will hit you with my paddle!"

"You do realize gay marriage isn't legal yet? Also, you stepped on a bamboo shoot. That will be a fine of 5,000,000 coins and 50 years in prison."

"This is disturbing the peace and atmosphere… why don't we meditate a bit?"

As Li Xiang watched his siblings scream at each other, he realized that this would be a truly long wait. Hopefully his mother would raise a red flag and they could all go home, to where Li Xiang had his own, sound-proof room…

* * *

1/26/2017

Haha, I bet some of you thought from the first half that this would actually be serious.

Haha, no.

This is based of the Grimm fairy tale "The Twelve Princes," which is why the Asian family is bigger than usual. I'm super excited to be writing all these new characters! Manchuria is especially special to me, since my mom came from Shenyang, which is in Dongbei (basically the geographical region of Manchuria). Most of the relatives on my mom's side live there.

The name "Nü Wa" comes from an old Chinese myth I'm too lazy to tell you right now. You should try something called Google. I hear it works really well.

If any of the names sound wrong to you, please leave a review! I'm trying my best, I'm just a Chinese American, staying up past 12:00 AM…

That being said, please just review! Pretty please? Here, have a chibi Japan and Mongolia. That have you convinced?


	2. Chapter 2: The death of the Fourth Wall

As luck would have it, the baby was a girl.

Huzzah.

Instantly, the twelve brothers exploded with chaos, Kiku hacking things apart with his sword, Yao cooing about how beautiful the girl was going to be (apparently not having gotten the memo that they would all die), Hyung Soo ranting angrily, and Jiaming fuming.

"Why do we have to die for a girl?" Jiaming demanded, "Li Xiang, Cheng and I are the greatest businessmen in all the China! Yao is the finest cook, Kiku is a master swordsman, Choden has the kindest soul, Yong Soo and Hyung Soo have rooms purely dedicated to war medals, Ngai has an indomitable spirit, Guiying has an incredible mind, and Aroon has the friendliest smile-"

Yong Soo burst into tears. "Wow, Jiaming! I didn't realize you thought that highly of us!"

"Shut up!" Jiaming hissed at Yong Soo, before redirecting his attention to the group. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted-" He glared at Yong Soo. "A mere girl is worth nothing compared to us! This is an outrage! As vengeance, I vote that we kill every girl that we see!"

"I think you inherited dad's crazy," Li Xiang muttered.

Yao looked disturbed. "But… our dear baby sister…"

"And isn't it rather mean?" Choden added.

Batbayer scowled. "Jiaming is right. We need compensation!"

"But why don't we just kill our old man instead?" Ngai asked, "He's the one who wanted to kill us."

"You make a good point…" Guiying mused, "But for the sake of adding tension and making a longer story, let's just go with Jiaming's plan."

"Okay!" Everybody said, agreeing for maybe the first time ever.

"What shall we do now?" Kiku asked.

"Well," Yao said, "Instead of making like normal people and escaping the country- because our dad is seriously a psychopath- let's wander into the bamboo forest. Maybe we'll find a random, conveniently-placed house or something."

Sure enough, after walking for a couple of hours, the group found a random, conveniently-placed house.

It was large, built in a traditional Chinese style. The walls and roof were painted red, and it was surrounded by a stone wall. As the 12 brothers wandered in, they found a pool with koi fish. Surrounding the house were twelve trees, all different except for two identical ones.

"Wow," Guiying said, "Our lives are getting really weird. Who knows, this might all be a fanfiction written by an author who's on her period that is based off some old European fairy tale, and all of us are actually OCs and characters from a really weird anime."

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" Hyung Soo snapped, "The readers will think that the author is crazy!"

"Seriously, though," Jiaming said, "Why is there a random house in the middle of the woods?"

"That wasn't the author's fault," Cheng informed everyone. "It was just the way the fairy tale was written. Or maybe the website she read it on got it wrong."

"You are smashing the fourth wall to smithereens!" Hyung Soo howled, "Stop!"

"Okay, okay…" Jiaming muttered, "Relax…"

As the boys wandered closer towards the door, Li Xiang asked a vital question:

"What if this is a trap?"

"For the sake of plot convenience, let's just say it isn't," Yao said, his silky ponytail now with some sticks in it.

Batbayer coughed, pointing towards twelve trees. At a glance, Li Xiang recognized a cherry tree, a plum tree, and a Hong Kong orchid tree.

"What are those?" Batbayer asked tensely

Yao shrugged. "Let's leave them alone. They might be an important plot device."

Batbayer scowled suspiciously at the flowers.

"Whatever they are," He muttered, "I don't like them."


	3. Chapter 3: The ball gets rolling

Nü Wa missed her sons dearly.

But no one could deny that her daughter was wonderful.

Mei was like a delicate cherry blossom, yet like a strong oak tree at the same time. She had Yao's beauty, Yong Soo's optimism, and Aroon's warm smile.

She was also tenacious, ready to fight to defend anyone who dared insult her family.

Sure, she may have developed Kiku's obsession with something called "yaoi," and she was (unfortunately) a bit of a daddy's-girl, but that was all forgivable.

All in all, she was truly wonderful.

Nü Wa, however, never told her about her brothers, and she commanded everyone else not to as well. Considering Mei's personality, she would surely fly into rage and get into a fight with her father.

And that never ended well.

Yet Nü Wa could not help but cry every full moon as she remembered gazing at the bright moon with her sons, with Yao's warm voice and Yong Soo's laughter.

It was during one of those nights, as Nü Wa mourned silently, that Mei found her.

" _Ma ma_!" Mei cried, "What is wrong?"

"M-mei?" Nü Wa stammered, frantically trying to hide her tears. "What are you doing in my room's balcony? G-go back to bed!"

Mei glared at her mother stubbornly. "Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Nü Wa stared desperately at her daughter, unable to form words. For how does one explain all that has transpired?

Mei sighed. "It's okay, _ma ma_. I already know. I have brothers, right? But dad kicked them out because of me."

" _Bao bei_ …" Nü Wa murmured, still trying to form a coherent sentence.

" _Ba ba_ told me when he was drunk." Mei hugged Nü Wa. "Don't worry, _ma ma_. I've convinced _ba ba_ to let them live! I'll go bring them back right now, and we can all be one happy family!"

Nü Wa unfroze.

"No!" She snapped, "It's too dangerous!"

Mei pouted, stomping her foot upon the cold, stone floor. "I don't care! It's my life and my brothers!"

Turning her heel, she ran out, a panicked Nü Wa on her heels. But Mei was young and energetic, while Nü Wa was old and weary. Before Mei could be stopped, she ran into the bamboo woods.

As she watched her daughter disappear into the night, Nü Wa fell to the floor and began to weep. Surely this world could not be as cruel as to rob her of yet another child?


	4. Chapter 4: Aww, how cute

Like most stupid ideas, it was only _after_ she began doing it that Mei realized she had been an idiot. She basically met all the standards to enter the Idiot Competition.

Running into the forest at night? Check.

Bringing no supplies at all? Check.

Looking for people whose faces you didn't even know? Check.

To add insult to the injury, Mei was also completely, totally, 100% lost.

Miserably, Mei sat down on a tree stump. It was gross and slimy. Because it wouldn't be fun if it wasn't.

She wanted to cry. Or scream for help. But of course, she was too prideful. Stupid pride.

"Yo," A male voice suddenly said.

Mei looked up. A man, maybe 12 years older than her, was standing over her. He had slightly grown-out hair and emotionless brown eyes. His clothes were traditional red Chinese garments, with a golden sash.

"I'm Li Xiang," He said, "Are you lost, little girl?"

Mei immediately became angry.

"I'm not a little girl!" She declared, jumping up. "I'm already 12, okay? And my name is Mei."

Li Xiang looked amused. "Like, whatever. So are you lost or not?"

Mei sighed. Maybe it was time to accept defeat.

"Yeah," She mumbled, "I was looking for my twelve brothers-"

Li Xiang furrowed his brow. "Twelve brothers?"

"Yeah. Anyways, my dad was gonna kill them 'cause of me, so they ran away-"

"Your dad was gonna kill them?"

Li Xiang looked perplexed.

"Yes!" Mei snapped, "Stop asking questions! Anyways, my mom was super sad, so I came to find them and bring them back! I also got dad to not wanna kill them anymore. You see, my mom, she's really nice and pretty. Her name's Nü Wa-"

Li Xiang stiffened. "Nü Wa? But… that's…" He stared at Mei. "She does look a bit like Yao... like, no way…

"I think we might be siblings!"

Mei looked shocked. Then she instantly leaped into his arms.

" _Ge ge_!" She squealed, "I'm so happy to see you! I can't wait to go home together-"

"Woah," He said, lightly pushing Mei off. "How can we be sure we've even found the right person?"

"The royal seal mom gave all of us!" Mei squealed.

Li Xiang looked surprised. "You're, like, kinda smart."

Mei pouted. "Don't sound so surprised."

The two produced their royal seals. They were a match.

Mei squealed again, and then rushed back into Li Xiang's embrace.

"I'm so happy! Where do you live? Can I go there? When can we go home? Do you have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? 'Cause I really love yaoi and-"

"Hold it with the questions," Li Xiang said, "There might be a slight problem."

"What is it?" Mei asked, looking up at him with big, adoring brown eyes.

"My brothers and I may or may not have sworn to kill every girl we came across…"


	5. Chapter 5: This one's weirdly short

Things looked bad.

Very bad.

Yao, Choden, and Cheng might forgo the whole "Ima kill every girl I see" promise, but the others…

Luckily, Li Xiang had a plan.

"Now," He said to Mei, "The other dudes are out hunting now. We're going to go home, and you're going to cook something. Then you're gonna hide under the table, and I'll take care of the rest from there."

"Okay!" Mei squeaked, still a little terrified about the whole kill-every-girl thing.

However, she was sure that no harm would come to her. After all, these were her brothers!

Eagerly, Mei grabbed Li Xiang's hand. It was warm and slightly larger than hers.

"Jeez, little girl," Li Xiang grumbled, "We only just met."

Mei began to sniffle. "B-but-"

Li Xiang looked alarmed. "Oh… sh- are you gonna cry?" He hurriedly gave her a hug, picking her up a couple centimeters off the ground in the process. "Like, don't, 'kay? You can hold my hand and stuff-"

"Yay!" Mei squealed, hugging Li Xiang back, her earlier traces of sadness immediately vanishing, almost as if they had never existed.

Li Xiang looked even more alarmed. "Like, what the-? Oh, whatever. You manipulative little cherry blossom. Let's go."


	6. Chapter 6: That's really convenient

"Wow, kid, you're good at cooking," Li Xiang commented as Mei proudly brought her delicious masterpiece to the dinner table.

Mei beamed.

"This will, like, totally earn you popularity points," Li Xiang continued.

"Like a romance video game or something?" Mei asked curiously.

"First off, video games haven't been invented yet. Second off, yes, pretty much. Third off, what do you do with your time?"

Mei shot him a sulky glare.

Li Xiang suddenly glanced out the window. "Drat." He quickly shoved Mei under the table. "Stay there and be quiet. The psycho juniors are coming back."

"Won't they see me easily though?" Mei asked, looking at Li Xiang with trusting, innocent eyes.

"Oh, f- you're right. Do you have a tablecloth?"

"I found one in the drawer when I was cooking."

"Thank goodness! Man, this entire story is like a bunch of lucky coincidences. Quick, kid, get the table cloth out!"

Mei rushed out of the table and began to rummage through the drawer like crazy. Meanwhile, a pale-faced Li Xiang was staring out of the window tensley.

"I found it!" Mei suddenly proclaimed, proudly brandishing a red table cloth with blue embroidery.

"Re-set up the table with it!" Li Xiang ordered, "I'll distract them!"

"Okay!" Mei squeaked.

Li Xiang charged outside and immediately crashed into Ngai. Both the two brothers and a duck went flying. Luckily for Ngai and unluckily for Li Xiang, Ngai managed to keep hold of his paddle.

Ngai stood up, glaring at the out-of-breath Li Xiang on the ground while brandishing his paddle.

"What do you think you were doing?" Ngai thundered.

"Like, uh, I wanted to hug you!" Li Xiang lied quickly.

"You're lying," Everyone chorused.

"No, I'm not!" Li Xiang said defensively, "Can't I be happy to see my older brothers?"

Yao bought it first.

"Oh, my dear little brother, I'm so happy to see you to!" Yao crooned, wrapping Li Xiang into a tight embrace. " _Aiya_ , I missed you so much. Did you clean like Kiku asked you to?"

"I, uh, like, made dinner!" Li Xiang said quickly, trying to change the subject. "I mean, there is dinner, but-"

"You good little dear!" Yao squealed.

"I'm not five," Li Xiang grumbled.

Yao smiled sadly. "Ah, yes. They grow up so quick. I still remember when you were a little baby and you tried to steal Batbayer's composite bow. Such good memories. How I miss those days, when the world was still young…"

A tear slid down Yao's cheek.

"Like, don't cry!" Li Xiang yelped, quickly trying to wipe away his elder brother's tears. "I- cr- dinner!"

Yao nodded, smiling weakly. "Of course. You all must be so hungry."

Li Xiang sighed in relief. "Yeah. Let's, like, get going."


	7. Chapter 7: Don't lie about tablecloths

"You did not cook this," Batbayer accused.

"Hey!" Li Xiang protested, "I cook great food!"

"Yes," Batbayer conceded, "But you do not cook food with pretty patterns. You do not use flowers to decorate your food. And you _definitely_ do not put on a table cloth. _Tom akh_ , he's lying!"

"Batbayer's right," Guiying agreed.

"Lying about table cloths constitutes a fine of 10,000 coins," Jiaming offered.

"What kind of stupid law is that?" Ngai demanded.

"Who knows." Aroon shrugged. "Anyways, Toto says that Li Xiang should tell the truth."

Li Xiang rolled his eyes, sitting down. "Like, seriously? The elephant can't talk."

Aroon developed an uncharacteristically angry look. "Now, listen here-"

"No, you two!" Guiying snapped, "Who cares if Toto can talk? We need to focus on the nub of the matter here- that Li Xiang is lying!"

Li Xiang crossed his legs, lounging comfortably on his chair. He was surrounded by his older brothers, all eleven of them standing, but Li Xiang didn't seem fazed.

"Who cooked the meal, Li Xiang?" Hyung Soo demanded.

"Not telling." Li Xiang had a smug look.

"I'm your older brother!"

"Na-na."

"You stupid little-" Hyung Soo surged forwards, but was stopped by Yong Soo.

Li Xiang sighed. "Like, I'll tell you if you grant me one request."

Jiaming huffed. "Name it."

"I want us to not kill the next girl we see."

"Uh...okay…" Guiying muttered, looking at Li Xiang suspiciously. "Now spill."

"The person who cooked this meal is none other than… our little sister!" Li Xiang gestured dramatically at the table.

Silence.

Yong Soo looked confused. "Uh, are you saying that the table did it?"

"No!" Li Xiang snapped, "Argh, annoying rugrat ruined my surprise."

The eleven other brothers watched with shock and bewilderment as Li Xiang stuck his head under the table and began yelling.

"Oi, kid! You were supposed to come out when I did the big reveal! It was, like, going to be dramatic and all!"

"Mmmrf…"

It was a girl's sound.

"I can't believe you fell asleep. I wasn't even gone that long! Plus, for half of the time, you could have listened to my awesome voice-"

"You would tell good bedtime stories, 哥哥." Definitely a girl's voice. Delicate and sweet too.

"Like, seriously?" Li Xiang reached his arm under the table.

A second later, he pulled out a tired-looking girl with long hair and a pink traditional dress.

"And here," LI Xiang proclaimed, "Is our little sister!"

"I'm Mei!" The girl announced proudly.

There was a moment of shocked silence. Then the room exploded with noise.

" _Aiya,_ " Yao cooed, smushing his little sister to his chest. "She is so perfect!"

Kiku smiled and gently petted her hair.

"If any man ever tries to lay a hand on her," Ngai vowed, "I will beat them with my paddle!"

"And I shall tear them apart!" Batbayer hissed in agreement.

The twins were grinning and dancing around clapping their hands like little children on their birthday, all dignity forgotten. Choden and Aroon also joined the hug, and Cheng gave her a gentle peck on the cheek. Guiying and Jiaming looked stunned, but quickly joined the celebration.

Mei rested her head against Yao's chest, smiling contently. Today had been a great day, and she was sure that there would be even better to come, now that she had her brothers.


	8. Chapter 8: Google hasn't been invented!

It was the day the siblings planned to go back. They sun was shining, the birds were singing, all that cliche stuff. The siblings were all eager and excited, but then Yao brought up a question.

"Shouldn't we bring _ma-ma_ and _ba-ba_ a gift? To show them how much we've grown? It's been, like, 12 years after all."

Kiku nodded. "That makes sense, _nii-san_."

"Oh, why bother?" Batbayer snapped, "Our old man tried to kill us, and our mom would be happy if we just randomly plucked some flowers off the roadside."

"It's more respectful," Guiying said calmly.

"Like, how about furniture?" Li Xiang suggested, "One of my friends said it was cool."

"Be realistic," Batbayer growled, "We don't even know how to make furniture."

Yong Soo grinned. "Oh, I have a solution! We can go Google it-"

"Google hasn't been created yet!" Everyone else shouted in unision.

Yong Soo looked dejected. Then his expression brightened up again.

"We can go to Yahoo Answers-"

"No, Yong Soo!"

"Bing?"

"It sucks anyways."

"Quora?"

" _Aiya…_ "

"WikiHow?"

"We can't go to any of these," Ngai yelled, apparently having had enough. "Because computers haven't been invented yet!"

Yong Soo was silent for a second. He looked like he was about to cry. Just as Ngai was about to soften up and try to comfort him, Yong Soo spoke.

"What about phones?"

" _Aiya_!"

As Mei watched her brothers squabble, she felt a strange sense of contentment, which might not be something you usually get when you watched people squabble. Here was her family. She would have older brothers to teach her things, to threaten her first boyfriend, to carry her shopping bags for her…

She decided that she would have to prove her usefulness. But how?

"Well," Mei thought, "While they're arguing, I'll go cut down some trees! Then we'll have wood for when they figure out how to make furniture and start making it."

She was sure that they would figure out how to make furniture. These were her big brothers, after all!

Mei went back into the house and rummaged around the cellar before she found an ax.

"How convenient," She mused.

It was light enough for her, but looked strong enough to cut down a tree. The edge was sharp, which was sorta weird, since it had been sitting at the bottom of a storage cellar for who-knows-how-long.

The wise, mature part of her felt that this entire adventure had been a series of conveniences, and that something bad was bound to happen. But the little girl side of her just wanted to impress her big bros.

Mei went with the little girl side of her.

(Spoiler alert: It was a sucksy idea)


	9. Chapter 9: That explains everything

Mei groaned, her muscles aching.

Apparently, cutting down trees was harder than she thought. Seriously, though, it was just whacking wood with something!

But she had managed to do it. All twelve of them!

"My brothers will be so pleased," Mei thought happily, trying to ignore her aching muscles. "I'd better go find them!"

She skipped into the house, where she assumed her brothers were. After all, she didn't see them leaving. But when she got in there, the house was quiet.

Eerily so.

Where were her brothers?

Mrrrow.

A cat was rubbing her leg. It was white with black spots and had a ridiculously self-smug look on its face. For some reason, it also had a weird curl, and that curl had a… face in it?

Okay, that was weird.

And since when did they have a cat?

"Hi, kitty-kitty," Mei said, picking the weird cat up. "Do you know where my brothers are?"

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and a huge booming sound.

"That is your brother!" A dramatic voice declared as Mei was blinded by the incredibly bright light.

"Say what?" Mei squeaked, "Wow, my parents are even weirder than I thought!"

"No!" The voice yelled.

As the light subsided, Mei saw a figure. It was some guy with these feathered white wings and a tunic. In his hands, there was a wand with a star on it. He was wearing leather lace-up sandals. But none of that was anything compared to what lay on his face: Huge, giant, furry things.

"Who are you and what are those on your face?" Mei demanded as the cat began to spasm.

The spasms, for some reason, resembled laughter.

The man turned bright red. "Those are my exquisite eyebrows-"

"They look like caterpillars."

"How dare you? Those are the magnificent eyebrows of the Britannia Angel!"

"The Britannia Angel?"

"Yes, that is I! I have also been called The Eyebrowed One, The Lobster Back, and the Fairy of Plot Coincidences!"

"Plot coincidences?"

"Yes, plot coincidences. It is I that has guided you and your brothers along this journey!"

Mei gasped. "OMG! That explains everything."

The fairy/angel/lobster guy nodded gravely. "Yes, and I now come bearing bad news. Those trees represented your brothers, and by cutting them down, you have turned them into cats!"

Mei felt confused. "But… if I killed the trees, shouldn't my brothers have died?"

"Are you complaining?" The fairy/angel/lobster guy demanded.

Mei shook her head quickly. "No, it's just weird." She glanced at the cat in her arms, who was rubbing itself against her chin. "So… this is Yong Soo?"

The dude nodded.

"He's so much cuter this way!" Mei squealed, squeezing the cat tightly.

The cat wailed in protest and the fairy person looked shocked.

"B-but… aren't you going to… err… freak out?"

Mei pouted. "But he's so cute!"

The fairy smacked his head. "So… you don't want to turn him back?"

Mei shook her head. "Nah, I wanna. He's cute this way, but I miss him as a human."

The fairy nodded. "Very well then. In order to turn all your brothers back, you need to weave 12 skirts out of pine needles-"

"Like those Hawaiian skirts?"

"First off, yes. Second off, how do you even know about Hawaii?!"

Mei shrugged.

The fairy sighed. "Oh, bloody- Anyways, you also need to remain completely silent for four years."

"But four is an unlucky number!" Mei protested, "'Four' is a homonym with the word 'death' in Chinese!"

"Whatever. Okay, so, four years, starting… now!"


	10. Chapter 10: How to avoid mix-ups

Stay silent for four years sucked.

But, on the bright side, Mei only had four months (and one skirt) left to go.

Yep, our adorable little 12-year-old is now all grown up, sitting in a tree hollow with her cat brothers knitting a pine needle skirt.

Of course, all her brothers were still cats, since Mei didn't want to show favoritism.

A furry head rubbed her shoulder. It was Yao-cat. The sleek black cat nudged a plate of something that actually looked quite edible and smelled pretty good.

Mei smiled her thanks. Her eldest brother was really quite magical. How he managed to make food in a forest as a cat was anyone's guess.

She quickly ate, before glancing at her spool of pine needle thread. She had found all the stuff necessary for sewing in the magical cellar, and she knew how to sew from her mother (thanks, mom and lobster fairy angel guy).

The thread was almost out. She would need to go get some more needles. She stood up. A herd of cats/her brothers loyally followed her. Mei smiled. Her brothers were so nice!

As she ventured deeper and deeper into the forest, further away from the hollow, a howl of pain startled her. Not human, but belonging to an animal.

Who could it be? Mei's heart twisted to think of anything in pain. She had to go save it! Rushing towards the sound, her ragged skirt swished at her heels. Finally, she reached a tree, where she was horrified to find a white bear caught in a hunter's trap.

Mei quashed the temptation to start screaming. Kneeling down, she gently petted the bear on the head. It looked at her with pained, dark eyes. She wanted to tell it that everything would be okay, that she would help it, but she knew she could not speak. And so, all she did was give it a hug and get started on the trap.

It was challenging, but Mei was a bright young girl. She managed to get it free rather quickly. By the time the bear was free, Yao-cat and Li Xiang-cat had brought back some makeshift bandages and medicinal herbs.

Mei kissed the bear on its fluffy forehead, before beginning to apply the herbs. So caught up was she in her job that she ignored the warning hissed of Ngai-cat and Batbayer-cat. It was only until someone picked up Kumajiro onto their lap that Mei realized they had company.

Looking up, she saw a handsome man standing before her. He had worried, violet eyes and blond hair. Coming out of it was an ahoge, similar to her own. He was dressed in fairly simple clothing, but Mei could tell that it was of good quality. Behind him, there were two foreign soldiers, each mounted, as well as a riderless chestnut horse.

"Hi," The man whispered in Chinese, "I don't mean to disturb you, miss. I'm just worried for my bear. Please, continue."

Nodding with wide eyes, Mei continued her job until the bear was all bandaged up. Afterward, the man tenderly lifted the bear onto the chestnut horse. Mei's heart felt warm. He was so considerate!

"Thank you," The man said softly, turning to her with a grateful smile. "M-my name is Mathew."

One of the foreign soldiers coughed.

Matthew blinked. "O-oh yes! I'm a government official, but just calling me Matthew is fine." He laughed nervously. "I- uh- come from this land across the ocean. My twin brother wanted to expand the horizons of us and our nation, so…"

Mei nodded, smiling. He was so adorable, like his bear!

"Uh… anyways… what's your name?"

Mei frowned. She couldn't speak! She gestured feebly at her throat.

Matthew frowned. "Oh, dear! Well… uh… you can just write stuff you want to say down! No worries, my twin and I can read Chinese too. Uh… here's a journal." He held out a book out to her, which Mei accepted. He smiled. "Paper was invented in China, right?"

Mei nodded while Yao-cat let out a proud meow.

"Those are your cats?" Matthew asked.

Mei nodded once more. Then she explained the entire situation in Chinese on the notebook. Reading through it, Matthew's eyes widened. For some reason, though, he seemed to believe her.

"Well…" He grinned. "My brother and I have actually met this Fairy of Plot Coincidences before. As a matter of fact, he's our big brother!"

Mei felt shocked, but then decided she shouldn't be. Family relations would always be weird, and there was nothing she could do.

"Well," Matthew said, "Thank Maple you told me. We could have had this mix up where some evil power-hungry person like Murpt convinced everyone that you were a terrorist or criminal."

Mei nodded. Matthew was right, thank goodness that didn't happen!

"Anyways," Matthew continued, "Your dad sounds like a psychopath. Why don't you come back to the New World with my brother and me? There are tons of Asians there too, I promise you won't feel alone."

Mei hesitated. She couldn't just leave her home… her parents…

But she knew this would be a wonderful opportunity. Like a forest after a fire that destroyed all the old, new life would come in the aftermath. But surely…

Yao-cat nudged her. Somehow, in his eyes, she saw that he wanted to leave. Or perhaps he didn't. Perhaps he just wanted them to have a better life, but he would always love China.

Her other brothers all gave their consent, in their own silent ways. And so, Mei finally nodded.

Life would be better there. She heard that there, there were no psycho kings because people got to choose their own leaders! And that women got to do all sorts of stuff there. Trade as free and success was there if you were willing to work. It would be wonderful!

And so, the Fairy of Plot Coincidences and the laziness of the author guided them to the New World on swift wings. There, they all lived happily ever after, Mei's brothers got turned back into humans, and Murpt was kicked out of office.

The (hasty) end!


End file.
